What Now, My Love?

You're Bleeding

I forgot to take a shit

before I left for school.

I didn't need to at the time.

After my taco bell lunch,

different story...

I'm taking classes

on a part of campus

that I have never

had classes before.

So I had some difficulty

finding a bathroom nearby.

I walked around the hallway

and couldn't find one.

I went into the next hallway

still didn't see one.

I decided to go out of my way

to go where I knew

I would find releif.

I can see my goal...

I'm approaching...

A woman walks out

of the women's section.

I walk past her

w/o paying any attention

as I am highly focused

on reaching my destination.

A familiar voice calls my name.

"John?"

Holy shitballs!

It's my ex.

I asked her how she's been

she said "ok..."

I didn't care to take the bait

and ask what was wrong.

That's someone else's job now.

We talked shortly

then went our ways.

She was probably

the most beautifull woman

I will ever date.

At least physically...

She could be a total bitch at times

and tried to claim ownership

over me

while expecting to date freely

herself.

Not that I didn't have faults

of my own...

Anyway, I was stoked

that of all the days

for a reunion,

she ran into me

when I looked like a fuckin' stud

(not to sound arrogant,

I'm usually not a cocky asshole)

but I don't always dress

as well as I did today.

I notice the difference

because I get a lot more

eye contact from girls

on the way to class

when I'm stylin'

and remember to shave.

I need to remember more often.

Today's song is dedicated to her.

You've got the beauty, but that don't mean a thing
A bland reciprocation, but it don't bother me
You're happier with lights on underneath a darkened sky
Only in the spotlight can you tell me of your crimes

I understand your situation, but I can't
Seem to understand the motivations you once had
I recall a message I once left behind a screen
I was entranced when you were never, never there for me

You're draining, you're draining me, I'm not a tub
What ever happened to the girl I used to hold?
I held in such a high regard
Where is the girl who had it all?

I used to think I wasn't worthy of your cause
I used to feel so lucky
Until the day I felt a weakness in my arms
I knew from where it had been coming

You're bleeding, you're bleeding me, I can recall
The passions you once had, where did they go?
I knew a girl who had it all?
I knew a girl where did she go?

- "You're Bleeding" from White Trash, Two Heebs and a Bean

All Outta Angst

Met a new face at work.

She's Pakistani,

or do you say Paki?

Pakiderm? just kidding...

What is it with my infatuation

with middle eastern women?

Not the strict Muslim ones though,

but the somewhat westernized variety

Western culture may have it's flaws,

but I'm not about to jump ship entirely.

I might like to leave this town...

but that's a discussion for another day

I wonder what a middle eastern father

would think of a pasty white fellow

like myself?

Not that she'll ever be more than a friend,

it's just funny to think of these things.

Ah well, fuck it!

Today's song is dedicated

to all the fine bitches

and all the fly hoes

(who says "fly" anymore?)

in Pakistan!

Puke on Cops

Today was the first day of my last semester.

I'm stoked!

Was on my way to one of my classes.

Riding my skateboard through the parking lot.

A cop pulls up behind me and honks his shit at me.

You know, the thing that isn't the siren

but it isn't the horn either.

Tells me over his PA to walk my skateboard...

while I'm on campus

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

What good is a skateboard

if it isn't moving my ass somewhere?

Also, I was in the middle of the parking lot!

If some preppy cardigan sweater wearing fuck face

can ride his bike to class

why the fuck can't I ride a skateboard?

I felt discriminated...

I turned around and showed that cop

what I was hiding...

MY MIDDLE FINGER!

as I said,

"Kiss my ass, pork chop!"

I took off on my board as they pursued.

I was able to ditch the squad-car

but those bastards sent the ghetto bird after me

Holy shit!

It looked like this...

As you can see, I was able to escape...

but my Splash-Mountain-esque getaway

was not as exciting as it appears on tape.

My adrenaline was pumping like crazy!

Somewhere along the chase

my stomach fell behind.

And now it 's catching up with me...

look at me now. full on the run.

i can't stop myself from crashing.

breaking grass, bumming a yard.

fixing stuff that was never broken.

pulling out all the stops.

I'm gonna puke on the cops!

i'm telling the kids, punk rocks.

i'm gonna puke on cops.

gimme a side of airplane noise

or half a glass of our resistance.

add a dash of disobedient

public nuisance, richtor riot.

pulling out all the stops.

I'm gonna puke on the cops!

i'm telling the kids, punk rocks.

I'm gonna puke on cops.

- "Puke on Cops" from 44 or 45 Songs...

Shut Up Already

My co-worker approached today.

Said I was making more work for her.

When I tried to explain she cut me off

and claimed that I was "yelling" at her.

Although I wasn't beaming sunshine from my ass,

I certainly didn't speak to her in any tone that could be confused as "yelling."

I felt like Adam Sandler's character in Anger Management...

I didn't know what else to say,

the bitch was hell-bent on

getting a rise out of me.

or maybe she's hyper-sensitive?

Either way, I turned around and told her

"You need to please shut the fuck up."

I mean I meant to say that,

but I have to remain PC

in a working enviornment

or else some hyper-sensitive pussy

would complain about my language...

FUCKING-A!

So my first day of NOFX is dedicated to her.

Kickin' it off old school...

"Affection not dissection,

Meat is murder,

Animals are for petting."

Oh shut the fuck up already!

I'm tired of your whining,

About poor little animals dying,

And the food they are supplying.

Because if a big animal had the chance,

It wouldn't take another glance,

It would eat you up.

"Affection not dissection,

Meat is murder,

Animals are for petting."

Oh shut your trap already.

I don't want to listen,

And I'm tired of your bitchin,

About what's in my kitchen.

Because if a big animal had the chance,

It wouldn't take another glance,

It will eat you up.

- "Shut Up Already" from Liberal Animation