Hobophobic...

I was driving around

the other day

and I came across

a homeless guy.

At least, I assumed

that he was homeless...

He was standing

in the street

with a sign

asking for money.

Let's just call him

"guy on the street"

for the time being.

So I feel bad for

people on the street

but I have a rule

that I never

give them money.

However,

I tend to have

an abundance

of water bottles

in my car

at any given time.

(Perhaps I will explain

on another day.)

So this guy is standing

on the median

where I am sitting

at a red light

waiting to turn left.

He is right next

to my car

staring at me

doing his guilt trip thing

and it's working.

I lean over

and dig around

for a water bottle.

Except,

I can only find ones that

have been opened already.

Not wanting to tease

the poor guy,

I hand him

one of the bottles

with 3/4 of the water in it.

He reaches out for it,

but then he pauses

and says

"hey man,

I don't just take

anything.

I'm not homeless."

WHAT THE SHITTING FUCK?!

I guess I offended him.

Well, that's what he gets

for standing around

begging for money.

This song goes out

to all the

"people on the street."

Hobo,

I'm hobophobic, So what?
Scared of bums,
Not just because they stink bad
Not just because they're crackers
From drinking too much lysol

Let them be,
Just don't get fuckin' near me!
Scared of bums!

Infested

with microscopic bugs and
Endocrine systematic Doo Doo
Why don't they get a job?

Let them be,
Just don't get fuckin' near me!

-"Hobophobic" from Heavy Petting Zoo

Instant Crassic...

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

Or something like that...

Well it's been about 10 months,

but I'm back!

I had expected to have

some 300 posts by now,

but shit happens.

I got caught up in some shenanigans

that prevented me from

reaching the blog-o-sphere.

Luckily I was able to escape...

I bet you didn't know

that I had such sick skills,

huh?

So let me catch you up

on everything that has happened

in the past 10 months-ish.

I graduated from college,

lost my job,

spent 3 weeks on unemployment,

got a new job w/o applying,

ok, that's a lie,

I applied back in February,

but they called me in September.

So technically,

I never had to search

for the 3 weeks

that I was unemployed.

Call it luck?

Call it karma?

(I put up with A LOT of bs

in my past 2 jobs.)

Either way,

for the first time

in a long time

I'm stoked.

I also know that

good things don't last.

So I'm going to enjoy this

while I can.

It's good to be back!

I'm swimming in a sea of pee
I'm hiking up a big mountain of poo
I feel like rolling in glass when I'm without you

I'm diving in a pool of puke
I'm fly fishing a stream of puss
That's how I feel when something separates us

I'm living in Bakersfield
I'm at a month long hip-hop festival

-"Instant Crassic" by NOFX